And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your cock deserves a montage
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you never un-have a 4some
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
