I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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