I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
