Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
