Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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