i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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