She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
