it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
