I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
