if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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