Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize