He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
