i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
