He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
