I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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