I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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