i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
