can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
