Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
