So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
false alarm. still invincible.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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