I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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