i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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