Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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