I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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