FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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