omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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