it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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