You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
