Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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