i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
