I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
