Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
