Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
