i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
