White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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