I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
