I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
