she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
