I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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