Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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