There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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