I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
