Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There are leaves in my underwear?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
