your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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