I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
