I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
