Will you blow on my dice?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize