I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
