eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
