dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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