when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
