he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize