So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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