yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will be naked everywhere
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
God I need to hump something, right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
