Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
