there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
