I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
