you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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