A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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