you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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