He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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