i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
