absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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