i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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