she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
