have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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