I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
