Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
