why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
