I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
