My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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