Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
