butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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